We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it's like iHOP with fire
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize