I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
