Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
