Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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