do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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