I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
