I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Less talking, more tequila
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i've created a new STD.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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