why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
