Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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