I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
