Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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