my phone needs a breathalizer
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
