I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
