You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
