can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
should my penis look like a turkey
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
