there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
