im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
