you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
