Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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