Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
