dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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