My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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