I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
