hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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