Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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