I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
