is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
