apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
