I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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