look no pants
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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