do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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