Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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