you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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