If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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