hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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