Someone shit on the floor
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
