Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
