You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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