I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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