you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
