Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
