There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
