he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am midnight drunk by noon
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize