Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
