i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
