Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
