So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
