proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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