did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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