Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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