sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just want nice things and good sex
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
