I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
