whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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