so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
