The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
