turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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