I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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