watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
