Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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