new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
