Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
