fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
