she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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