i may or may not be watching the land before time
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You're like the curious george of whores
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
