If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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