my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
