Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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