Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
