Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
