I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
