Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
