But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
