the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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