And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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