i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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