She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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