Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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