I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
