Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
