How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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