do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
