Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Randomize
