come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
