My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
