Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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