and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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