I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
