Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
