Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
