He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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