since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
